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When someone we love gets bad news or experiences a loss, we want to help but have no idea how to begin. We worry about saying the wrong thing, so we say too much, or we say nothing at all. Natalie Silverstein has spent the past decade learning what actually helps, and in Simple Acts of Care she offers a practical, warm-hearted guide for friends, family, and neighbors who want to show up well for someone in crisis, and for the caregivers standing beside them.
Silverstein writes as a care partner—her husband lives with Parkinson’s disease —as well as a supportive friend, community volunteer and co-founder of the Silverstein Foundation for Parkinson’s with GBA. She has been surrounded by people eager to help and has seen how much love goes into trying, and how little any of us are ever taught about how to do it. The organizing idea of the book is simple and demanding: keep the person who is hurting at the center of our focus, and take our own fears out of the equation. Silverstein draws the line between empathy, which wraps around a person, and pity, which is aimed at them and erodes their dignity.
Silverstein’s first two books, Simple Acts: The Busy Family’s Guide to Giving Back and Simple Acts: The Busy Teen’s Guide to Making a Difference, everyday kindness into something families could actually practice. SIMPLE ACTS OF CARE brings that same instinct to the moments we find hardest. Through short, reflective essays, inspired by Jewish teachings, she offers language and gestures readers can use immediately, and reassurance that simply showing up, with grace, kindness, an open mind and a listening ear, is often exactly enough.
Praise
The critical thing is to show up, to be of service to the person who is hurting,” writes Silverstein. But in a culture uneasy with grief, those who would offer support often feel lost and insecure about helping, trading in clichés and uncomfortable silences. The grieving, the book suggests, are then left to bear their grief alone. At other times, they may be overwhelmed with casseroles, cards, flowers, and well-intentioned people needing to feel useful but having no idea of what to do.
Sourced from personal experiences of profound loss and the insights of professionals trained in supporting those in crisis, the book delivers uncomplicated, gentle wisdom throughout. For the grieving, there are suggestions for communicating their challenges, needs, and plans to others, as with a group email to one’s friends, family, and community members to keep everyone in the loop without confusion, overwhelm, or awkward conversations. For those offering support, suggestions for eliminating uncertainty and confusion over what to do are shared, as are tips for avoiding destabilizing one’s own life. One simple suggestion involves communicating the specific types of help a person can provide, together with an availability schedule that indicates whether or not they can respond to lastminute calls. The book also suggests practicing some of the skills needed to stand with those who are hurting in one’s daily life, including open-hearted listening, humility, and exuding “empathy without pity.”
Simple Acts of Care is an insightful guide to supporting loved ones through the process of grieving.”